We’re constantly being told that the only way to be happy at work is to find your “calling.” But there’s a much easier –and more realistic – way to find satisfaction, and even happiness, in your current work situation simply by reframing how you look at it.

“So, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Ask a group of five-year-olds that, and you’ll be bombarded with enthusiastic shouts of: Firefighter! Police Officer! Astronaut! Gymnast! Ballet Dancer! Movie Star! Baseball Player! Spider-man!

But how many of them will call out: Database Administrator! Market Research Analyst! UX Designer! HR Comp and Benefits Coordinator! Director of Regional Sales! Executive Coach!

We all know that more of us will end up in the latter group than the former – and there’s nothing wrong with that. Yet, every other day I see another blog post peddling the popular notion that having a job or a career isn’t enough. These articles seem to imply that if you’re just “working” and not pursuing a “calling” you’re somehow wasting your life. But it’s not quite that simple. And it’s just not true.

If you think back to your Psych 101 class and Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” pyramid, you’ll remember that people are motivated by (in order from bottom to top): Survival, Security, Belonging, Importance, and Self-Actualization. So, you have a job that meets your basic Survival and Security needs, you are doing well. And if your job also provides you with a sense of Belonging/Community/Affiliation as well as Importance/Esteem, even better. If your job makes you feel Self-Actualized, you are one of the lucky ones. But not everyone achieves that highest level from their work, especially early in one’s career. And that’s OK! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a job that meets the first four levels of the pyramid and finding personal satisfaction and fulfillment from other aspects of your life (e.g., volunteering, hobbies, relationships, etc.). While some may see this as cynical, I see this perspective as realistic. And it removes a lot of the stress and pressure for those who find themselves endlessly frustrated by the fact that they aren’t going to a “dream job” every day. Even those who are lucky enough to have what they consider their “dream job” still have their good days and their bad. 

So what I advise my clients – and my students who are often just starting out in their careers and still trying to figure out what their calling is (if they even have one) – is that the best approach may be to focus on the present while, at the same time, always looking to the future.

Don’t beat yourself up because you’re not currently living the dream. It is ok—at certain times in our lives—to accept a job that simply allows us to support ourselves and our families. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Taking a job “for right now” when you need to, while you figure out what the next step on your career ladder should be.

For example, if you’re just getting out of school and need to pay the rent—or gain experience, develop your network, and/or build your resume—you may decide to take a job that’s “fine for now.” Or if you’ve been out of work for a while, transitioning back into the workforce, or are just in the process of trying to figure out your next move, you may end up accepting a position that’s not your “dream job” but moves you one step closer in that direction.

While some people have seemingly linear career paths, most others’ career journeys (like mine!) may be filled with endless bumps in the road, detours, and setbacks. The keys to success are resilience, self-discovery, continuous learning, and the ability to bounce back from adversity with a positive attitude. In short, there’s nothing wrong with doing what you NEED to do, while you’re navigating the road toward what you HOPE to do.

It’s a lofty and noble ambition to want to go out and change the world every day or, as Steve Jobs put it, to “put a ding in the universe.” But the reality is that finding your calling – and getting paid to do what you love to do (if you even know what that is!) may not happen as soon and as quickly as you wanted and expected it to happen, But, again, that’s totally ok.

What’s the Difference between a Job vs. Career vs. Calling

A job is something you do for a paycheck. You show up and do the work, and for that you get paid. A job pays the rent, puts clothes on your back, and food on the table. A job fulfills Maslow’s survival and security needs. As most of us have, I’ve held numerous “survival jobs” over the course of my career, both when I was just starting out, as well as a few times when I was in between “real” jobs that were intended to further my career. I did telephone sales, temped, and was even a bouncer in a club for a while (don’t ask). These jobs weren’t fulfilling, they weren’t leading to a career, and I wasn’t exactly rolling in dough. But when that paycheck came, I was certainly glad to have it.

Most people—if they’re lucky enough to be working—have jobs. Especially when first starting out. And as long as you’re showing up on time with a positive and productive attitude, putting in honest effort, producing results, and delivering a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay, there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re there to get the job done and, hopefully, recognized and rewarded for it. And, if you’re really lucky, you’ll do so for a boss who appreciates you and sets you up for success, with good colleagues, and in an environment that you enjoy working in.

If your series of jobs follows a seemingly related and generally upward path, it adds up to a career. A job is to a career like a step is to a staircase, or a rung is to a ladder. “Climbing the career ladder” and “moving forward along your career path” are common metaphors for good reason. It is often the answer to the question, “So, what do you do?”

So as long as you are exploring, growing, learning, developing, producing, and progressing, you’re probably moving forward in the right direction. But it’s also helpful to note that you may come to various forks in the road along your career path, and change direction multiple times – often in unexpected ways.

My dream back when I was in high school and college was to someday work in the tv industry as a producer or network executive. After a series of lower-level, internships and assistant jobs at Aaron Spelling, Columbia Pictures, Disney, and CBS, I realized that (for various reasons) working in that industry was (at that time), not for me. Multiple years and numerous twists and turn later, I ended up doing what I do (and love doing) today, running my own management consulting, training, and coaching business with my brother, as well as being an adjunct professor at NYU. Who ever would have called that? Definitely not me. Not in a million years. And yet, I love what I do, and now, for lack of a better word, call it my calling.

So what exactly is a “calling?” Some people describe it as an internal—almost spiritual—feeling about what you’re “meant” to do for a living. Almost as if it were predetermined, when you fulfill your calling, who you are and what you do are in alignment. You define yourself by your role, seek to master it, and couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Some would even go so far as to say that you would be compelled to do it—even if you aren’t getting paid. It’s what you were born to do. It is your mission and purpose on this earth. It’s your opportunity—and your obligation—to change the world and put that Steve Jobs ding in the universe.

Some people don’t have a “calling”—and that’s fine. In this day and age, there’s nothing wrong with working at different jobs or exploring multiple careers over the course of one’s lifetime. While my father worked a total of two jobs in his professional career (including the last 35 years as an IRS agent—Boo! Hiss!), I’ve worked full-time for approximately 10 different companies so far. Back in the day that was looked upon as instability; today, people say, “Wow – it’s amazing how many different things you’ve done!” And it wasn’t until I hit age 40 that I discovered my current “calling.”

There’s a saying that if you’re lucky enough to love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. I don’t know if I’d go that far—because I work pretty hard even though I love what I do. But if you’ve ever had a job that you hated, and a job that you loved, you know that it’s a lot more fun when you’re earning a living doing something that you love to do.

Closing Thoughts

We may not always love every job we have–or every aspect of every job. But if you’re living what Thoreau called a “life of quiet desperation”, there’s good news. The job market is starting to pick up across the board, so now might be the time to start exploring some other job or career options.

But don’t feel that every single job you consider needs to fulfill your calling. Being open to new experiences and willing to explore new opportunities may lead you down a path to success that you might not have previously considered. It might even lead you to a calling that you never knew existed. The best job I ever had–for the best company and best boss–was a position I almost turned down. So, you never know. I’ve found that if you shoot for the stars, you may only reach the moon, but it will make you feel that the sky’s the limit.

As you aspire to a position that allows you the feeling of autonomy, the opportunity for mastery, and the sense of purpose that Dan Pink describes in his terrific book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, you may come to realize that being open to new experiences, changing your mindset, and managing your expectations is all you needed to get closer to where you want to be.

PART 1: How I Risked Everything to Pursue My Dream Job

I always wanted to work in television.

It was my dream job from the age of about 13. I didn’t want to be an actor, producer, or writer. I wanted to be one of those cool, rich guys in suits at the TV networks who come up with ideas for shows and get to decide what makes it on the air. And I was obsessed with the idea of working at my favorite network: NBC. I thought, “How cool would it be to go to work every day at 30 Rock?”

When I was in college, I‘d been a summer intern for NBC News (I still have the NBC peacock towel that Willard Scott gave all the interns at orientation). So after finishing my master’s degree in communications from SUNY Albany and then working for a year in media buying for Ogilvy & Mather advertising, I realized that if I was really serious about a career in television, I needed to move to the west coast where most of the jobs were. I had already been rejected for full-time positions by NBC, along with every other network, cable station, and production company in New York City. Even though it was the toughest decision I ever had to make, I quit my job at Ogilvy and just blurted out to my parents: “I’m goin’ to Hollywood!”

A few weeks later, with two suitcases, a couple of hundred dollars to my name, no job, no leads, and no contacts in Los Angeles, my parents dropped me off at JFK. After a teary farewell, I boarded my flight to LAX, suddenly unsure of whether or not I was making the right decision.

With reality starting to sink in, my heart pounding with anxiety, and my head spinning with self-doubt and second thoughts, I made my way up the aisle toward my seat (coach, of course) all the way in the back of the plane. As I struggled to get by, a white-haired gentleman was blocking the aisle in first class. When he finally turned around and settled into his seat, I froze: it was Grant Tinker – the president of NBC.

Three hours into the flight, I was still debating whether or not to go up and talk to him. If I did, would I regret bothering him? If I didn’t, would I kick myself for eternity? Should I casually stroll by his seat, pretending to stretch my legs, and then “accidentally” drop one of my resumes onto his lap? Would he then be so impressed that he’d offer me a job on the spot? Or would he forever ban me from NBC for having the audacity to be such an idiot? Three times I got up and peeked through the first class curtain, only to chicken out and scurry back to my seat.

With less than an hour left in the flight, I decided it was now or never, do or die. Somehow, I summoned up the courage and, almost unconsciously, made my move:  I marched down the aisle, straight through the curtain, stopped at his row, turned towards him and, in one long, rambling, run-on sentence,  started spouting out the words that I had been rehearsing and revising in my head for the past four hours:

“Excuse me, Mr. Tinker. I hate to bother you. I was an intern at NBC in New York last summer, and the reason I’m on this flight is because I’m moving out to L.A. to try to get a job in the TV industry, hopefully at NBC. It’s my dream job. Again, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you might have just a minute to give me some advice or suggestions, or anything that would point me in the right direction once I get out there.”

That’s how Grant Tinker, one of the most powerful men in Hollywood, found himself looking up at a 24 year-old kid who’d just barged into first class and asked for advice. What happened next changed me — and my career — forever.

What’s it going to be? The thrill of victory or the agony of defeat? Find out in the exciting conclusion!

PART 2: I Landed My Dream Job. Then Reality Set In.

When we last saw our hero, he had just asked Grant Tinker, then-president of NBC, for advice on landing his dream job. For more, read Part 1 of Todd’s story, How I Risked Everything to Pursue My Dream Job.

“Excuse me, Mr. Tinker. I hate to bother you. I was an intern at NBC in New York last summer, and the reason I’m on this flight is because I’m moving out to L.A. to try to get a job in the TV industry, hopefully at NBC. It’s my dream job. Again, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you might have just a minute to give me some advice or suggestions, or anything that would point me in the right direction once I get out there.”

Yes, that’s how I introduced myself to Grant Tinker, the head of NBC. I walked into first class and asked, point blank, if he could give me a few pointers for getting started in the TV industry. When I finished, there was a pause that seemed to go on for eons (OK, it was probably only a second or two). Then the president of my favorite network smiled, slid over to the window seat, extended his hand, and said, “Sure, sit down for a minute. What’s your name?”

So, there I was: 24 years old, unemployed, with nothing in the world but a dream and two suitcases, sitting in first class on my way to L.A., chatting with the head of NBC.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual conversation, but the bottom line is this: the president of what was then the number one television network in the country was generous enough to take five minutes of his valuable time to share the wisdom of his experience with a young, aspiring job seeker.

I never ended up working at NBC, but I left that conversation on an emotional high, beaming with hope and optimism, and confident that I had made the right decision. And although I am 99.9 percent sure that Mr. Tinker doesn’t recall that brief interaction of so many years ago, his words and generosity still resonate with me today.

As for my career, it took a while — with a lot of ups and downs — to finally get on track. I took a number of “survival jobs” to pay the bills, including doing telephone sales for the L.A. Times during the day (pure, monotonous torture and hours of rejection), followed by my evening job as a bouncer at a Burbank nightclub (don’t ask).

But after months of perseverance, I finally caught a break.

There was a brief internship at Aaron Spelling Productions, followed by a stint in casting administration at Columbia Pictures Television, and then a job as assistant to a writer/producer at Disney Television. Then, at last, I landed my crowning position as assistant to the manager of drama program development at CBS. I was 25 years old, and I had finally made it into a TV network.

Unfortunately, working for an abusive psycho-boss at CBS forced me to leave the industry that I loved (or, more accurately, that I thought I was going to love), never to return. After a few exciting years as a project manager in the theme park business, I ultimately moved back to New York and got into the management training field, which is what I do today.

It might seem like working in television and my current career as a management, leadership, and presentation skills consultant, trainer, and coach have nothing in common. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

My experience in the entertainment industry taught me so much: storytelling (a crucial skill for successful leaders!); the power of visual thinking and visual communication; the effective use of metaphor and analogy; innovation and creativity; teamwork and collaboration; how to design a presentation and pitch an idea that motivates, inspires, and influences others; and so much more.

And, from my years in Hollywood, I learned numerous other life lessons that I regularly draw on as a leadership trainer, coach, and adjunct professor at NYU:

Do I miss the glamor and excitement of working in the entertainment industry? Well, I got to go to numerous TV show tapings and wrap parties. I got to sit on Seinfeld’s couch and on Norm’s bar stool on the Cheers set. I got to meet Lucille Ball, Tom Hanks, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I had lunch with Vanna White, rode up in an elevator, alone, with Vanessa Williams, and, most memorable (and surreal) of all, I spent a half hour being interviewed, one-on-one, by Pee Wee Herman to be his personal assistant.

So, do I miss it? Maybe just a little.

Does your boss hate you without your even knowing it? Maybe, maybe not. (Hopefully not!)

But you may be doing certain things that your boss hates -- without even realizing it. 

Catherine Conlan of Monster.com called upon me once again to get my insights into the "5 Things You're Doing That Your Boss Hates."

Just to give you a sneak peek, the five things are:

[1] Asking too many questions.
[2] Answering the wrong question.
[3] Creating chaos.
[4] Showing up with problems without solutions
[5] Making your boss look stupid.

Click on the link to find out more -- and discover how YOU can avoid these common pitfalls!

Easier than finding a new job, here are 5 relatively quick-and-easy things you can do to reignite your passion for your current job.

Catherine Conlan, contributing writer to Monster.com, asked me for a few suggestions on how to do this -- and here they are (originally posted on Monster.com, and then elsewhere including the NY Daily News):

Many people have ambivalent feelings about their jobs. Work is a place they go to, do some chores at, and then come home from, without feeling like they’ve grown personally or professionally, or have made a real difference in the world. Fortunately, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to elevate your job from a task to something fulfilling. Here are some small changes you can make to love the job you have.

[1] Talk to your boss.
If you think there are changes that could be made to improve your outlook, let someone know, says Cheryl Heisler, president and founder of Lawternatives. “It’s very possible that the company would rather hear what you are unhappy about and fix it than to see you walk,” she says. “It’s costly to lose a trained employee, and no one wants to lose someone good.”

But don’t just drop into the boss’ office unannounced and say, “I’m bored.” Identify what’s dissatisfying you and come up with some concrete ideas on how to change it before you talk to your boss.
 


[2] Try something new.
“The best way to learn a new skill, demonstrate your potential and get out of a work rut is to take on a stretch assignment,” says Todd Cherches, founder and CEO of BigBlueGumball. “Not only will you be helping out your team or department by making a value-added contribution, but you’ll be enhancing your reputation while challenging yourself to reach new heights.”

 Heisler agrees. “We all like to do things that are familiar, but if that’s all we do, we get bored and lose interest.” Asking for something new and challenging can help “stir up the pot.”

[3] Step back a bit.
Even when you like your job, it’s important to mentally detach and revitalize when you’re not at work, says Dr. Paula Thompson, a career coach. “Studies show that people who spend their non-work time engaged in hobbies, sports and social activities have higher job satisfaction.”

Taking on a new challenge outside of work can be as invigorating as one at work. “The more you love your life outside the office, the happier you will be when you are in,” Heisler says. “Extra-curriculars keep life fun and keep work in its proper perspective.”

[4] Stop gossiping.
Complaining about work with others, especially if it’s just gossip. “Focusing on the negative will bring down your spirits,” Thompson says. “Instead, purposefully develop friendships with your co-workers who love their jobs, and you will find that their passion will be contagious and make you feel better about yours.” 

If the entire work environment is negative, you might have to find a way to shield yourself from the negativity, or, alternately, look for options for boosting morale.



[5] Start fresh every day.
Sometimes wiping the slate clean and starting fresh can help you recharge your batteries, Cherches says. “What if next Monday were your first day on the job?” he asks. “How would you prioritize? What would you start doing? What would you stop doing? What would you wear?” Organizing your workspace, clearing out the inbox, tossing out piled-up paperwork and setting deadlines for projects can all help you find new energy for your job. “Consciously deciding to adjust your attitude and approach your work in a new way may just help you get re-engaged and rejuvenated.”

http://www.nydailynews.com/jobs/small-love-job-article-1.1433016#ixzz2rSFQRfMt

Every year it’s the same thing. We start out the New Year filled with good intentions, high hopes, and a formidable list of life-changing resolutions. And for an indomitable few, those resolutions result in positive changes and personal growth. But for the rest of us, life tends to get in the way.

Before we know it, January is over and February flies by (it’s such a short month!). Then the spring holidays come along. Then it’s summer, and… well, you know the rest. That pledge to “start tomorrow” just leads to the eventual realization that today is yesterday’s tomorrow. So, what can we do about it?

We can start today. For real. Right now.

What we need to do is go from “resolutions” to “real solutions.” And one real-life solution that really works, is easy to do, and can kick-start us into action, is to start reading. And my recommendation is to start your New Year’s reading with any one of the 13 inspirational and motivational books on this list.

My Criteria
There are a million business and self-help books on the shelves, so why these?

Because these are all written for – and about – YOU.

I read an average of 2-3 business books a week on topics ranging from management and leadership to teamwork and innovation. But the books on this list are designed and dedicated to help you become the best “you” you can be. They will help you find your passion, figure out what makes you tick, conquer your fears, and spur you to action. They’ll help you to get focused, become committed, and devise some powerful and innovative ways to help you maximize your Performance, Productivity, and Potential (what I call the “Three Ps”).

Yes, I know you’re busy working. Or looking for work. And you’re exhausted. And it’s so much easier and probably more fun to just settle in on the couch with back-to-back episodes of “Breaking Bad” or “Dexter” on Netflix, or watch the “Gangnam Style” video on YouTube for the bazillionth time. But if you’re really serious about making a change, and taking your career – and your life – to a whole new level this year, think about the potential ROI (Return on Investment) that any one of these $15 books and a few hours of your time could potentially bring.

My List

My 13 for 2013 (in alphabetical order) are:

7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (Stephen R. Covey)
When people ask, “What’s the ONE book I should read to become more effective and productive?” this timeless classic is the one. At the very least, even if you don’t choose to read the whole book cover-to-cover, everyone should at least know what those seven habits are. (Tip: For your convenience, here they are.)

18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done (Peter Bregman)
If time management, prioritization, and personal productivity are a challenge, this new book by my friend, and master storyteller, Peter Bregman, will help you get your life on track and start producing results. (Tip 1: See the Bregman Box on page 118; Tip 2: Watch his TED talks).

Art of Possibility, The: Transforming Professional and Personal Life (Rosamund & Benjamin Zander)
Indescribably brilliant and inspirational storytelling by this husband and wife team. (Tip: Watch his famous TED Talks.)

Element, The: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything (Dr. Ken Robinson)
When who you are and What you do are in alignment and harmony, you are “in your Element.” This book will help you get there. (Tip: This RSA animated video is a true classic.)

How to Win Friends & Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
This, the first-ever “self-help” book, is the one that started it all. Written in 1936, this book has, literally, changed millions of lives worldwide. Now it’s your turn. The title says it all.

Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers)
In many instances, we are our own worst enemy. If you can use a confidence boost, this bestselling book will do the trick.

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (David Allen)
If you are simply looking for a straight-forward, no-frills, systems-based approach to get yourself organized, get yourself moving, and start getting things done, this is the number one book out there on the subject. (Tip: Tons of tools on his GTD website.)

Power of Habit, The: Why We Do What We Do In Life and Business (Charles Duhigg)
Whether trying to break an old habit or start a new one, this book will help you transform yourself into the person you would like to be through gaining a better understanding of how habits work…and what it takes to change them.

Linchpin: Are You Indispensable (Seth Godin)
I absolutely LOVE this book by one of my all-time favorite thought-leaders. In today’s working world, we need to consistently find ways to add value and stand out in a crowd. This brilliant book will inspire you to overcome your “lizard brain” and create your own path to success. (Tip: You MUST subscribe to his daily blog today. I guarantee it will quickly and radically change the way you see the world.)

One Piece of Paper: The Simple Approach to Powerful, Personal Leadership (Mike Figliuolo)
What if you could capture, on a single sheet of paper, your own personal guide to leading yourself, leading the thinking, leading others, and leading a balanced life? This creative and interactive book will help you do just that! (Tip: Subscribe to his excellent Thought Leaders blog. Full/proud disclosure: My “leadership self-awareness” guest post made their 2012 top 10 list!)

ReWork (Jason Fried & David Heinemeier Hansson)
Like Godin’s “Linchpin,” this book cuts through the crap and tells it like it is. Written with humor, attitude, and artistry, these guys really tell it like it is and get you to look at the working world in fresh new ways.

Self-Promotion for Introverts: The Quiet Guide to Getting Ahead (Nancy Ancowitz)
With introverts making up half the population (including myself), this practical and inspirational guidebook by a friend and fellow NYU professor helps and encourages introverts to leverage their strengths and achieve success.

You Don’t Need a Title to Be a Leader: How Anyone, Anywhere, Can Make a Positive Difference (Mark Sanborn)
This quick-and-easy-to-read, 100-page book will encourage and inspire you to step up to leadership – regardless of your role, position, or title. I love this powerful little book and re-read it all the time.

There are a lot of other great resources out there, but this list of personal favorites will give you a running start. So just pick ONE and dive right in. Maybe you even have some of these books already piled up on your nightstand gathering dust, or sitting on your bookshelf like a trophy. But BUYING the book with the best of intentions – as so many people do – is not enough. You need to actually READ it. And don’t just skim through it: DEVOUR it! Interact with it. Absorb it. Make it your own. Here are a just a few ways how:

• ·         Highlight things you find interesting with a neon highlighter
• ·         Underline things you find interesting with a red pen
• ·         Make notes in the margins when you’re reminded of something
• ·         Use post-it notes to mark the pages you want to go back to later

Find a blank page in the front or back and write down a list of Action Items – things you are actually going to DO! As I have people do at the end of every one of my workshops, think in terms of “Insights, Actions, & Outcomes”: What did you take away (Insights); What are you going to do (Actions); and what results do you expect to achieve (Outcomes), if you actually make the commitment and follow through.

It’s a new year. A great time to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. So if you’re really serious — I mean REALLY serious — about turning your New Year’s “resolutions” into “real solutions,” I hope that you will pick up just one of these books, and let it be the spark that ignites your passion, and helps you to light the world on fire in 2013.