Why is feedback—whether it’s negative feedback or constructive criticism—so tough for most of us to take?

When we receive feedback that we don’t agree with, the tendency is to get defensive, to explain, to make excuses, to try to invalidate it, to deny it, to be offended by it, and even to resent the person giving it.

Continue reading below to to find out why that is -- and what we can do to be better at -- and make the most of -- the feedback we receive.

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My recent post on the Feedback Sandwich technique prompted a few readers to ask questions like this:

Most articles on feedback focus on how to deliver it more effectively, but what about when you’re the one on the receiving end? Do you have any tips on how to be better at receiving feedback?

Ah . . . that’s a good one. And a tough one.

Speaking for myself, I love getting criticism and feedback, and am completely open to receiving it any time, any place…as long as it’s positive and complimentary. When it’s not . . . um . . . let’s just say that I’m not quite as receptive. Nor are most people.

Why is that? Why is feedback—whether it’s negative feedback or constructive criticism—so tough for most people to take? When we receive feedback that we don’t agree with, the tendency is to get defensive, to explain, to make excuses, to try to invalidate it, to deny it, to be offended by it, and even to resent the person giving it.

Your Brain at Work

I just finished reading an amazing book, Your Brain at Work, by David Rock, who explains the neuroscience behind why we react emotionally (and sometimes irrationally) to feedback that we don’t agree with or don’t want to hear.

In brief, our primitive brains are biologically wired to perceive feedback as a threat. Not to get too technical or neurological, but the amygdala—the fear center (referred to often by author Seth Godin as our “lizard brain”)—intuitively senses feedback as a threat and does anything possible to avoid it.

Rock compares the feelings that feedback triggers to that sick-to-the-stomach, hair-standing-up-on the-back-of-your-neck fear you might experience when walking alone down a dark, scary alley and hearing footsteps quickly sneaking up behind you. The sensation that we are about to be attacked. The feeling that our lives are in mortal danger. That’s what feedback can feel like. And when we receive negative feedback, we are, in fact, at risk, especially when we feel our confidence, our self-esteem, and our sense of self are under attack.

It’s the “fight, flight, or freeze” response in action. That’s why, when receiving negative feedback (or sometimes even positive and constructive feedback), we may respond by lashing out in defensiveness, running (or storming) away, or standing there, speechless, in shock and disbelief.

The Five Threats

David Rock's now-classic acronym, SCARF, clearly and effectively captures the five ways that feedback may serve to threaten our state of being:

Status: Getting feedback may feel as if we are being spoken down to and that our status or position relative to that other person is being threatened. A boss’s saying something as simple as, “I need to see you in my office” can trigger a feeling of heart-stopping terror . . . and make you feel two feet tall.

Certainty: When we receive feedback, especially if it is unexpected, it could create feelings of uncertainty and confusion. You thought you did such a great job on that presentation, but now the feedback has made you doubt your abilities and shaken your self-confidence.

Autonomy: When we receive feedback that puts into question the decisions and choices we’ve made, not only might we start to doubt our own judgment, but we may now fear that our freedom and empowerment might be taken away.

Relatedness: When we receive feedback from someone, it could impact our relationship with that person. “How could you say that? I thought you liked me. I thought you were on my side. Is that what you REALLY think of me?”

Fairness: Have you ever received feedback from someone and felt misjudged, misunderstood, or unfairly evaluated? If you’ve had the reaction “That’s just not fair. That’s not true. You’ve got me all wrong!” then you know how it feels to have your sense of fairness threatened.

So, now that we know WHY feedback might be perceived as a threat to our personal well-being, and that it’s a completely natural, neurological, biological response, what can we do about it?

Making Feedback Work for You

1. Try to keep an open mind, consider the source and the intention, and keep things in perspective. Don’t react or overreact; just take the feedback in. With the self-awareness you now have about WHY feedback feels like an attack, it might be a little easier (over time, with practice!) to be more open to receiving the feedback objectively.

2. Though it’s natural to react emotionally (especially when under stress), try not to get defensive. Even though it may feel like you are being attacked when the feedback’s coming from multiple people simultaneously, be open to the feedback, let it settle in, and then decide what you want to do with it.

3. Feedback is a source of knowledge. Though some things may be difficult to hear or to admit, keep in mind the value of knowing. If you were about to go on stage to deliver a presentation, and you had a “Kick Me” sign on your back, toilet paper stuck to your shoe, and your fly was open, wouldn’t you be better off knowing than not knowing? At least now you can do something about it.

4. When you get vague, general, ambiguous feedback (e.g., “You need to do much better next time”), seek out specifics. Ask for suggestions on how you might improve. Confusing feedback is worse than no feedback at all. You could even request that the person start with something positive before getting to the constructive criticism. Encourage them to use the Feedback Sandwich with you!

5. Change your mindset about feedback. Reframe it as a developmental opportunity rather than a criticism of you personally. Recognize that while the tendency (basic human nature) is to focus on the negative, it is equally important to validate your strengths and leverage what you’ve done well.

6. After receiving feedback, take some time to let it sink in, and think strategically on what to do with it and where to go from here. Remember: Unless something is a real emergency that is causing serious, immediate problems, you don’t have to change or fix everything—or anything—overnight! In fact, it’s almost impossible. Continuous improvement is an on-going process and a lifelong journey. And feedback is a mechanism that will help you to stay on course and moving ever-forward. Without it, how will you know how well you’re doing?

The Gift

There’s an old saying that “Feedback is a gift.” And like any gift we receive, we can choose to toss it in the trash, or we can appreciate the thought behind it. Perhaps when we unwrap that gift, when we have a chance to sit alone with it and ponder it, we’ll find a nugget of truth hidden somewhere inside that box; one that we need to seriously consider.

And, if that is the case, that feedback is, indeed, a gift, very often the best, and the only, response necessary, is these two simple words: “Thank you.” 

“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages…” ~ Shakespeare

When anyone – including my coaching clients and grad students – asks me for career advice, my answer is always the same:

“It depends!”

And what does it depend on? A lot of different, individual factors. But among the most important is, where are they in terms of Shakespeare’s “seven ages”…and at what stage are they in their career?

While there is, of course, no “one-size-fits-all” answer to the question, “What career advice do you have?” based on my own, subjective and personal experience, here’s my best career coaching advice for every age and every stage:

Teens: The Age of Exploration

When you are in your teens, you don’t know what you don’t know. Try to gain exposure to as many different experiences as possible so as to learn more about the realities of the workplace and to get an idea of what you may be good at and what you’re not, as well as what you may like to do and what you don’t. Don’t be afraid to try or to fail. That’s what these years are for. Find internships, take temp jobs, entry-level jobs, do volunteer work, and ask questions. Lots of questions. Don’t feel that any question is dumb, or that any job is beneath you. At this stage of your life, everything is a learning experience. Just go into it with a positive attitude, and you’ll be amazed at how much you can learn and how much, and how fast, you will grow.

20s: The Age of Experimentation

Now that you have a better sense of what’s out there, take a more targeted approach toward finding your niche. You are still exploring and experimenting, but the stakes are a little higher now than when you were still in school. You want to do well, gain experience, build your network, and show that you are capable of producing real results. Take chances, but be smart about it. And don’t burn any bridges or do anything rash that could potentially come back to haunt you one day (including what you put out there on social media). You are now establishing your reputation, building your resume, planting the seeds for your career, and – as Steve Jobs put it – asking yourself how you are going to “put a ding in the universe.”

30s: The Age of Self-Actualization

At this point in your life, there is, hopefully, some connection between who you are and what you do, as well as having developed a strong sense of your “personal brand.” One way to explore what your personal brand is is to think about your answer to the question: “What do you want to be known as ‘the Guru of’ or ‘the Go-to person’ for?” And then figure out what you need to do to make that vision a reality. Ideally, you want to be working at what you are good at (and/or aspire to be great at) and what you like or love to do. You want to be setting yourself up for success and becoming a subject matter expert in your field, while still creating opportunities to take risks and to grow. You may have greater “adult responsibilities” now, so it may also be time to start thinking about and preparing for the future — financially and otherwise. The key is to be proactive in figuring out what you need to do to maximize your performance, your productivity, and your potential, both in your career and in your personal life.

40s: The Age of Expertise

Ideally, you’d like to now be settled into a career in which you’ve established a proven track record of success based on producing tangible results, as well as having developed a positive professional reputation and a network of contacts. (And not just online “connections,” but true, real-world relationships.) Building on the results you’ve produced, and with an eye toward the future, very often at this stage your thoughts turn to further developing your leadership potential while continuing to hone your personal brand — both internally within your firm and externally within your industry.

But what do you do if you’ve had a setback and/or your career train has gone off the track? My feeling (from personal experience) is that it’s never too late to reinvent oneself. As the saying goes about best-laid plans, they often go awry. And, as in a board game in which you get knocked back to the starting square, you may need to go back to the Ages of Exploration and/or Experimentation again and start anew. And, if so, keep in mind that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (!), as it happens to most of us at one point or another. The good news, however, is that this time around you get to leverage the wisdom of your experience as you set out in search of new horizons and new possibilities.

50s: The Age of Mastery

Here’s where and when you want to leverage your many years of experience to establish your reputation as a credible subject-matter expert in your field. You’ve earned it. But it’s equally important to keep learning! Remember that “In an ever-changing world, if you’re standing still you’re falling behind.” Everything today – technology, the marketplace, expectations – changes quicker and more frequently than ever. The shelf-life of knowledge in this day and age is shorter than the expiration date on a container of milk. So it’s a never-ending, 24-hour-a-day race just to keep up. But you must, as there is no other choice if you wish to stay relevant and be seen as valuable. Your strength, at this stage, lies in combining your years of experience with your ability and willingness to proactively stay ahead of the curve. At this stage, you may also be thinking about what you want your “leadership legacy” to be…and, therefore, think seriously about what you need to do between now and the future to make that vision a reality.

60s +: The Age of Wisdom

You’ve seen it all. Or have you? With things these days changing faster than ever, we see something else we've never seen before. You want to make yourself marketable by branding yourself as a sage, and yet have the humility to look to those younger than you as your teachers. You want to be a mentor, and yet be open and willing to be mentored. With that combination of attributes, you will have much to contribute and be much in demand. You want to experience the satisfaction of continuing your own personal and professional journey of growth and development while, at the same time, taking the time to -- and taking pride in -- passing the wisdom of your experience along to the next generation, keeping in mind the maxim that “Wisdom is where Knowledge and Experience meet.”

A Few Final Words

Please bear in mind that this is all just one person’s totally subjective, general advice, and you are entirely free to agree or disagree. And there are no “shoulds.” Career paths take us where career paths take us. Just as in Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” our career journeys are ultimately made up of the combination of the choices we made…and the choices we didn’t. The reality of today’s workplace is that careers are rarely a straight “path” but more of a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, starts and stops, twists and turns, and victories and setbacks.

So, with that in mind, to me the keys to a successful career journey include a life-long love of learning, proactivity, resilience, a positive attitude of gratitude, and a growth mindset that keep you continuously looking – and moving – ever forward…at every age, and through every stage.

A number of supposed experts have recently written blog posts bashing the Feedback Sandwich technique.

Why? Because they have absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

(How's that for NOT using the feedback sandwich! :))

In this post I talk about why the Feedback Sandwich is -- by far -- the most palatable way to give someone the feedback you think they need to hear...

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“The Feedback Sandwich sucks!”

Or…

“In regard to the Feedback Sandwich approach, it definitely has its merits. It’s important to mention, however, that this method is not appropriate for all situations and, when misused, can often be ineffective and undermine your intentions. But it’s true that, in many cases, there’s value in pointing out what someone’s done right, before pointing out what they’ve done wrong – and then ending on a positive note.”

If you were me, which comment would you prefer to receive from someone who disagreed with this blog post? Which do you think would be more powerful, impactful, and effective? Which would give you, as the deliverer of the feedback, more credibility?

The first example is what many people, including a lot of bosses (and blog commenters!) do: They just slam you or flame you with their opinion of why you’re wrong.

The Secret Recipe: How to Use the Feedback Sandwich

The second is an example of the Feedback Sandwich approach. In brief, it’s referred to, metaphorically, as a four-part “sandwich” because the feedback (the “meat” of the message) is delivered to the recipient using cushioning (the “buns”) to soften the blow:

[1] The top bun represents starting on a positive note, for example: “Nice job on your presentation, I really thought your content and delivery were great.”

[2] The lettuce represents your transition, for example, a pause, or something like: “One area of improvement might be…”

[3] The meat represents the main substance of your feedback message: “While I really liked your content, I thought that your PowerPoint slides could use some improvement…”

[4] And the bottom bun represents your close, which might be something like: “Again, overall, I thought you did a really great job and once you improve your slides I think your next presentation is going to be terrific!”

The above message can be delivered in a 30-second comment, or over the course of a 30-minute conversation.

Why the Critics are Wrong

Like any tool, the Feedback Sandwich is not intended for all occasions. That’s obvious. But when used with the right person, at the right time, in the right situation, and in the right way, it is by far the most productive and effective way to give someone feedback. Even something as simple as responding to a waiter who asks how everything was: “The food was delicious, as always. We did want to mention, though, that we thought the music was a little too loud, which made it hard to talk. But thank you for your great service tonight” – is an example of using the Feedback Sandwich approach to deliver your message in a productive way.

That’s why it’s so shocking to me when certain supposed experts continue to bash the entire model outright. I’ve even heard it referred to as a “Compliment Sandwich, a “B.S. Sandwich,” and a “Crap Sandwich.” The people who denigrate this model simply do not get it.

It’s not: “Hey I really like your new haircut! By the way, you’re the worst employee I’ve ever had. But, again, you look really nice today.” The “buns” need to be genuine, sincere, productive, and relevant to the issue you are providing feedback on. It’s not about flattery or sugar-coating; it’s about delivering your feedback message in a way that is most productive, most effective, and most “digestible” for the recipient.

Additionally, the thickness of the buns needs to be proportional to the person and the situation. Sometimes a “Great job!” is all that is needed to start and finish with. Other times (in many, if not most, cases), more specific and detailed remarks are warranted.

When the Sandwich Doesn’t Work

So when is the Feedback Sandwich NOT the best approach? If someone really screwed up, you are not going to use the Feedback Sandwich:

“Billy, you’re a good boy. But I’ve asked you numerous times not to play with matches, and now you’ve burnt our entire house down. So thank you for not doing that again in the future.”

“Peter, you’re a good guy and one of my favorite employees. But I’ve noticed that lately you’ve been falsifying pretty much all the data in your TPS reports. So I’m gonna need you to stop doing that, ok?”

When it comes to integrity or policy violations, safety issues, or recurring problems, of course you are not going to “sandwich” your feedback; you are going to be blunt and direct: “Peter, we have a serious problem”; or “Billy, we need to talk.” In those situations, you would omit the buns and get right to the meat. Cushioning your message here would be completely unnecessary, inappropriate, and ineffective. Just because it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution, the Sandwich’s critics are wrong to suggest that we should reject this model outright. 

Dos and Don’ts

Here’s a simple and common work situation in which it’s clear that the Feedback Sandwich would be a good approach for a manager to take:

Let’s say you asked one of your people – a relatively new employee – to write a proposal and then show it to you before sending it out to a client. Upon reading it, you see that the person worked hard on it, did their research, and got all the facts right. The problem is that in their haste to get it to you, they didn’t take the time to proofread it, and so it contains a few small grammatical errors and minor typos. So how do you deliver this feedback message?

You can just say, “I read your proposal and it’s filled with errors. You need to fix it.” Or you can be sarcastic and say something like, “Have you ever heard of spellcheck?”

Or you can use the Feedback Sandwich. “Thanks for getting this to me so fast – I really appreciate it. However there are a few typos and grammatical errors, so I need you to proofread it, correct the mistakes, and get it back to me within the hour so we can get it out before the end of the day. When we’re sending something out to a client, speed counts – but it’s equally important to make sure it’s perfect before it goes out the door. But as this was your first time, overall, you did a nice job.”

Simple and straight-forward, gets your point across regarding the necessary corrective actions, keeps the minor mistakes in perspective, and – often overlooked, but equally important – restores the employee’s confidence and morale in spite of the (easily-fixable) errors. As the manager, it’s important to ask yourself: Is the purpose of the feedback to slam the person for what they got wrong or to acknowledge what was done well, fix the problem, and help them to improve for the future?

“It Sucked”: A Case Study

Earlier in my career, when I worked for one of the major TV networks, my boss’s boss asked me on a Friday to write up “coverage” (a review and recommendation report) on a new pilot script and get it back to him on Monday. (*He was asking me because my boss was out on vacation). Excited to be given this first-time opportunity and wanting to make a good impression, I spent all weekend on it and had it on his desk first thing Monday morning.

When Tuesday afternoon rolled around and I hadn’t heard anything back (as we know, silence is often the worst kind of feedback), I knocked on his door and said: “Hi Jonathan, I was just wondering if you had a chance to read my coverage.”

In response, he rummaged through a pile of papers, finally found it, glanced at it, and then frisbeed it across his desk at me, hitting me in the shins, and said, “It sucked.”

As he went back to doing what he was doing before I walked in, and with the report I was previously so proud of now resting on my shoes, I meekly bent down, picked it up, and slithered back to my desk, crushed and demoralized, with my tail between my legs. I thought I had done such a good job, but I left work that day wondering if I should start exploring new career possibilities.

The next day, though, I still felt like I needed to get some feedback on what I had done so wrong. And I figured I had nothing to lose. So when 6:00pm rolled around, when most others had gone home, I somehow got up the courage to go into his office and knock on his open door again:

“Jonathan, do you have a minute? I was just wondering what was wrong with the coverage I wrote – I thought I had done a pretty good job.”

His response: “You did a great job! Your writing is terrific – it’s always terrific – and you had some really great insights. I just really hated the script. But, the report, itself, was fine.”

Maybe he could have said that the first time? In retrospect, what he gave me the first time was the meat; the second time, the same meat…but presented in a sandwich. So, although the outcome was the same (he rejected the script I was recommending), the validation of my work made me feel a million times better, and left me eager for the next opportunity to show what I could do. That’s the power of the Feedback Sandwich in action.

So while there are a lot of different feedback techniques out there, all with their respective pros and cons, the Feedback Sandwich is just one way – a powerful and effective way – to get your message across.

Think about it. If you are on the receiving end, would you rather someone take a hot, sizzling, greasy burger off the grill and place it in your bare hands…or would you rather that they neatly present it to you between two nice, fluffy buns?

We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below. But if you do, we hope you’ll be kind enough to deliver it in a nice little sandwich…

How much of your time at work are YOU spending in each quadrant?

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“People do best, what they like best to do.”

That’s an old adage by Frederick W. Taylor, the original efficiency expert and management guru. Seems like common sense, doesn’t it? And yet, so many people hate their jobs. So why is that? What's going on?

The Passion/Skill Matrix may help to explain...

Think about your hobbies. You know, the things you do for fun. Whatever it is, whether it’s playing a sport, a musical instrument, practicing a craft, or whatever, you probably do it for at least one of the following two reasons: you’re good at it and/or you enjoy it. Otherwise, why do it?

If you love doing something, let’s say, playing the guitar or the piano or drums – even if you’re not very good at it – you’re going to pick it up and fiddle around with it, spending your spare time practicing, and watching and listening to others play, all in the hope of getting better. Even if you’re not that great and know you’re probably never going to play in a band, you still do it because it’s fun.

Similarly, if you’re good at something, even if it’s balancing your checkbook, you may not love doing it, but because you’re skilled in math and it comes quick-and-easy to you, you don’t really mind doing it. Or maybe you do?

So, what about something that you love doing AND you’re good at it? Now you’ve hit the magic bulls eye: your passions and your skills are in alignment! Let’s say you love playing tennis and you discovered years ago that you’re pretty good at it. Most likely, with this combination of passion and skill, you enjoyed watching tennis on TV to see how the pros do it, didn’t mind hitting a tennis ball against the wall thousands of times, and got a rush from playing every chance you got.

Over time, your skills grew. And as your skills grew, so did your confidence, which led to your taking on tougher challenges, practicing more, winning against better and better opponents, having fun competing and winning, and enjoying your increased success. No, you’re probably not going to play tennis in the U.S. Open, but you’re at a level that you are proud of and enjoy as you keep working on taking your game to the next level.

Now, what about when you are stuck doing something that you are not good at, and do not like doing? How successful do you think you are going to be?

Probably not very.

And, yet, this describes a lot of people’s jobs. So how does this happen?

Here’s how it happened to me: A number of years ago, I was out of work for a while when I was offered an amazing job as the VP of Business Development and head of the New York office for a leading west coast interactive agency. I was so honored to be hired by, and excited to be working for, this innovative company, and was looking forward to taking on the challenge of helping them to grow their east coast business.

But once the initial excitement wore off, the job itself ended up being much tougher for me than I ever expected. I started just around the time of the dot-com crash when finding new business instantly became tougher and tougher. And, unfortunately, I quickly discovered the hard way that I did not possess the abilities or the personality type required to succeed in this kind of role – especially in this type of market environment.

And, so, as time went on and as I continued to fail, my stress level rose, and I began to like this job less and less, until I could not even bear to get up for work in the morning.

If you’ve ever had a job that you didn’t like AND that you were not good at, you know what I’m talking about. I was set up to fail every day, through nobody’s fault but my own, and I just wanted out. Getting laid off, despite my feeling of loss as I loved the company and the people, actually ended up being a huge relief.

In almost every job, there are going to be aspects of your position that you enjoy doing, and things that you don't. And, there are going to be things that you are good (or even great) at, and things that you are not.

So, the key to success is finding the right balance.

For example, in my current role as head of a management and leadership consulting, training, and coaching firm, I love and feel that I’m pretty good at the consulting, training, and coaching part. What I don’t love, and am not that great at, is the actual running of the business itself (especially, the financial and administrative side).

So, what to do about it?

Taking a look at the Passion/Skill Matrix model, and thinking about YOUR job:

1. Make a list of all the different things you do on a regular basis; and then break them up into four categories: Things you are GOOD/GREAT at; things that you are NOT Good at; things that you LIKE/LOVE doing; and things that you DON'T Enjoy doing. If you like to quantify things, you can even score each one of these items on a scale of 1-10. 

2. Next, draw a 4-box matrix like the one above, and place each of these items in one of the four boxes. For example, let's say you are good at and enjoy writing blog posts, put that in the upper right quadrant. If you like drawing, but are not that great at it, put that in the upper left. If you're good at math, but don't enjoy it, put that in the lower right. And if you hate cooking and are not good at it, put that in the lower left.

Now, lastly, let's look at the four-quadrant matrix to ask the "So what?/So that!" question: How can I use this model to be more successful?

Your SWEET SPOT - The things that you Like/Love and are Good At: If you have a lot in that box, you’re incredibly lucky! Try to spend as much time as possible on these things. This is where the intersection of your skills and passions lie, and where you have the greatest potential to leverage your strengths and go from good to great. When you're working on things that fall into this category, time flies, ideas flow, your energy is high, and you're in your element...so spread your wings and fly!

Your GROWTH ZONE - The things that you Like or Love to do, but are NOT great at...yet: This is a wonderful developmental opportunity! If you like something, or feel you have potential in this area, you are more likely to work at it by learning more about it, studying, practicing, and seeking out training and coaching. Einstein once said that, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” If you’re passionate about it, keep working at it. You never know how far you might get unless you try. And notice the powerful difference between saying, "I'm not good at that" vs. "I'm not good at that...yet." By simply adding that simple word "yet," you open up the world of possibilities.

Your DEFAULT ZONE - The things that you Don’t Like to do, but are Good At: Perhaps it’s something you used to like doing, or you just became the “go to” person by default because it comes naturally to you and everyone knows it. Well, this is a great developmental opportunity – for someone else! Here’s where you might be able to outsource, delegate, or take on the role of a mentor or coach to help someone else develop skills in this area. This is a win-win opportunity that will help someone else to grow while freeing you up to do other things...so you can spend more time "above the line" (i.e., in your Growth Zone and/or Sweet Spot).

Your FAILURE ZONE - And, lastly, the things that you Don’t Like (or Hate!) to do, AND are Not Good At: This is your “Failure Zone”…and you need to do whatever it takes to get out of this box as soon as you can. Again, we all have aspects of our jobs that we may not love, but if you are spending more than 25% of your time in this box, you are setting yourself up for a whole lot of pain and suffering. And, to be honest, if you’re in a job that you really, truly don’t like and that you are really, truly not good at, you’re not doing your employer any favors by staying in this role. Sometimes we stay just for the paycheck, but it’s really hard to sustain that over the long haul. And it’s ultimately going to take its toll on your physical and mental health. So, whatever it takes, you need to try to get yourself out of this box.

Although...one other important thing to think about regarding your Failure Zone: Have you ever considered that this Zone might, potentially, be your greatest area of opportunity? You identify things as belonging in your Failure Zone because you are not good at it and don't like it. But think about it this way: What if you TRIED...and got better at it? And once you got better at it, you didn't hate it quite as much. And now that you don't hate it as much, you are willing to try it again, finding that, with experience, you find youself inching your way up, in this area, out of the Failure Zone until it now -- magically -- resides in your Growth Zone! From there, once you've broken through the box you had put yourself in, could this potentially become part of your Sweet Spot? Only time will tell...but it is entirely within your power to make it happen...if you are willing to open your heart and your mind to the world of possibility. Think about it: How many of your Sweet Spot skills were once part of your Growth Zone, or even your Failure Zone? My guess: Probably MOST of them! 

Lastly, as Dan Pink writes in his book Drive and as he speaks about in this amazing RSAnimate video, people are happiest and most productive when they have three key, intangible things: Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose. If you are lucky enough to find a job where you spend most of your time with the freedom and flexibility to make your job your own (autonomy); in an environment that allows you to grow and develop into the best you can be (mastery); while doing work that matters (purpose), that’s when you’ve got it made.

As they say, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

END

*written by Todd Cherches…with an “assist” from my good friend out in L.A., Marc Levine – fellow leadership coach…and sports enthusiast extraordinaire.

As we enter the second half of the 2012 NBA season, few would disagree that the biggest story thus far has been the emergence from nowhere of New York Knicks’ point guard, Jeremy Lin.  In fact we can say that’s he’s gone “from "No-where" to "Now-here” practically overnight.

While much (too much?) has already been written on all the “Linsanity” (have they run out of puns yet?), only a few pieces have touched on the Jeremy Lin story from a management and leadership perspective. As I teach an HR graduate course at NYU entitled, “Transformational Leadership & Teambuilding,”  that’s the paradigm through which I’d like to further explore this fascinating and inspirational phenomenon.

Speaking of paradigms, there are a lot of different definitions of leadership out there, but one that I really like is by Joel Barker, the innovation thought leader and author of one of my all-time favorite books (and dvd), “Paradigms: The Business of Discovering the Future”:

“A leader is a person you will follow to a place you wouldn’t go by yourself.”

That simple-yet-powerful definition is as good a description of Jeremy Lin’s leadership impact as any. Before he came along, the Knicks were an absolute mess, a chaotic mix of superstars and nobodies playing without any chemistry, mired in the basement, and headed nowhere fast. Now the Knicks are following Jeremy Lin “to a place they (most likely) would not have gone without him” – full steam ahead towards a possible spot in the Eastern Conference playoffs.

 “11 Leadership Lessons Learned From Jeremy Lin”

 [1] Biases, Assumptions, Preconceptions, & Awareness: Why did no college offer him a basketball scholarship (including his dream school, Stanford – which was practically right across the street) despite his leading his Palo Alto high school team to a state championship? Why did not a single NBA team draft him after he broke all kinds of all-time records at Harvard and made the All-Ivy League First Team? Was everyone simply group-thinking that “there’s no way a 6’3” Asian-American from Harvard can make it in the NBA”? Why were they unable to see the potential that was right before their very eyes? From a “diversity and inclusion” perspective, did he not fit the prototype of what they look for in an NBA player? Did his ethnicity have anything to do with it? His Ivy League pedigree? His relatively short height? All of the above? Most recruiters and scouts assess a player’s talent at a glance based on how big and strong and fast he is, but when asked why he was overlooked, Lin replied that, “I just think in order for someone to understand my game, they have to watch me more than once, because I’m not going to do anything that’s extra flashy or freakishly athletic.” Even as recently as a month ago, prior to his recent “discovery,” Lin was just days away from being cut by the Knicks who didn’t know what they had sitting right there on the end of their bench. Pondering the Linsanity that’s happened since, it’s near impossible to believe now that that could have happened! Kobe Bryant was quoted as saying, “A talent like Jeremy Lin doesn’t just fall out of the sky. He’s been around the whole time; we just didn’t pay attention.”

>So…what untapped talent might you have sitting there on your bench?

[2] Time Management: One of my favorite quotes by management guru, Peter Drucker, is: “Time is the scarcest resource; if it is not managed, nothing else can be.” For someone so young and relatively inexperienced, Jeremy Lin has demonstrated an uncanny ability to effectively manage the clock. The best example of this (among many) was the end of the Toronto game in which he ran down the final seconds before hitting a thrilling, game-winning 3-pointer with less than 1 second remaining. To have that degree of awareness, poise, and confidence under pressure in only the fifth start of his career was truly amazing. Another time-related factor is that Lin has been racking up more minutes on the court than almost anyone else in professional basketball. Can he sustain that pace without burning himself out?

>So…how well do you feel you are managing your time; and how can you do a better job of producing results when under pressure?

[3] The Three Types of Confidence: We say that there are three types of confidence –  your own self-confidence; your ability to make others feel confident in you; and your ability to make others feel confident in themselves. With Jeremy Lin we see all three. In addition to the confidence to take the last shot with the game on the line, we see examples of his confidence in terms of his ability to communicate with his teammates despite his junior status, take charge on the floor in his role as point guard, and how composed he is when being interviewed (even under the stifling scrutiny of the NY, national and global media). As they said on MSG: “the brighter the lights the more he shines” – and there certainly are no brighter lights than those neon lights on Broadway – and in the most famous basketball arena on earth, Madison Square Garden. Additionally, he has won the confidence of his coach, Mike D’Antoni, as well as that of his teammates. In that Toronto game, rather than calling a time out to set up a play, D’Antoni had enough confidence in his new point guard to let him play it out himself...with winning results. And Lin’s presence on the court has elevated the confidence of everyone else around him in terms of their own capacity to perform – and to win. Among the many examples of that (e.g., the elevated play of Landry Fields, Jared Jeffries, Tyson Chandler, and others), one of the most profound has been that of Steve Novak, whose outside shooting contributions have soared since Lin has come along.

>So…what can you do to elevate your confidence, as well as that of others around you?

[4] Teamwork: A favorite teambuilding acronym of ours is, “As a T.E.A.M., Together Everyone Achieves More!” And that has definitely been the case with the New York Knicks over the past month since Jeremy Lin came along (Actually, twenty days, to be exact.) As a Knicks fan, it’s hard to picture what life was like pre-Linsanity. But to refresh our memory, the Knicks had a record of 8-15, having lost 11 of their previous 13 games. Since then, they’ve gone 9-3…including a 7-game winning streak that turned their entire season around. What has Lin’s greatest contribution been? While his scoring has far exceeded any reasonable expectations (a mindboggling 38 points against Kobe and the Lakers!?), the fact that the Knicks now have a point guard is what has most positively and powerfully impacted this team. The primary role of the point guard is to “create” – i.e., to control the ball, the clock and the tempo; to call plays, like the pick-and-roll; and to generate scoring opportunities for others – and Lin has filled that gaping void with flying colors. Lin has been racking up Assists by the bucketful (7, 8, 10, 7, 8, 11, 13, 5, 14, 9, 9, 3) for an average of 8.1 per game. And, in addition to “assist”-ing everyone by getting them the ball, Lin has contributed to helping his teammates maximize their performance, productivity, and potential in every facet of the game. When you hear him interviewed after every game it’s always ALL about the team – the team, the team, the team, naming players by name and deflecting the attention away from himself. The greatest test of a team player, and the ultimate question of a leader, is: Does this person make the people around them better? Jeremy Lin most certainly does. 

>So…what can you do to help your people “achieve more” and to function as a more high performing team?

[5] Teamwork – Part II: Jeremy Lin’s success did not occur in a vacuum. In a team game, you don’t win seven in a row, or nine out of twelve – or even a single game all by yourself. You typically don’t score a basket all on your own; and you can’t get an “assist” unless you pass the ball to someone who scores. It’s about open, honest communication and listening; unselfishness in sharing the ball, and sharing the glory; mutual accountability; and creating a win-win situation for all. Just as Lin sets his teammates up for success, so did they do so for him. They embraced him, supported him, encouraged him, guided him, coached him…and “couched” him. (*Lin famously slept on the couch of teammate, Landry Fields the night before the February 4<sup>th</sup> New Jersey game.) At halftime of that game, teammate, Carmelo Anthony, went to coach D’Antoni and suggested that he give Lin more playing time in the second half. D’Antoni agreed. The rest is history. It’s so important for those with seniority, the superstars, the “A” players (and everyone else, as well) to leave their egos at the door, welcome new teammates, and do what it takes to help turn a collection of individuals into a cohesive team, united around a common purpose and a common goal: winning.

>So…what are you doing to contribute to creating a team environment that sets others up for success and allows them to shine?

[6] Management, Leadership, & Coaching 101: We’d be remiss if we didn’t give credit to Knicks head coach, Mike D’Antoni. He has admitted that he put Lin in because he was “desperate” (if you recall, the Knicks’ were losing game after game, there was no chemistry, their bench was decimated by injuries, and many fans and NY media were calling for his head). If it were not for the “luck” of injuries and the absence of any other guards, Lin most likely would have been cut from the team the following week. So D’Antoni played the hand he was dealt, and won big-time. He’s shown faith in Lin, giving him playing time (among the most playing time of any player in the NBA), allowing him to spread his wings and fly. It is his system, and his philosophy that Lin is playing within and learning one day at a time. D’Antoni saw the seeds of talent within Lin, noting early on that he “has a point guard mentality, and a rhyme-and-reason for what he is doing out there.” D’Antoni has empowered Lin to take the lead and call the shots on the floor, creating an environment that has allowed Lin to step up to leadership and flourish. He has also allowed him, on occasion, to fail. (More on that next.)

>So…how well are you managing, leading, and coaching your people – and what can you be doing better?

[7] Learning From Mistakes: Einstein said that “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Smart managers and leaders know that, and accept that making mistakes is part of the learning curve. Neither innovation nor growth happens without risks and failures. And knowledge and experience come only with time. Jeremy Lin has been averaging over 5 turnovers a game, and has had as many as 8 or 9 turnovers in four of his starts – a ridiculously high number. But when you are on the floor for 35-45 minutes a game and handling the ball as much as he does, trying to create offense, that is going to happen. Mike D’Antoni knows that, his team and the fans accept that..and everyone expects that the turnovers will decline over time. We need to be patient, and keep reminding ourselves that Lin’s career as a starting point guard is less than a month old.

>So…do you punish mistakes, or do you create an environment that encourages people to try, to fail, to innovate, and to grow?

[8] Live & Learn…and Make Adjustments: Long story, short…the Knicks got absolutely burnt by the Miami Heat the other night. It was like watching the old “Showtime” L.A. Lakers in action. It was like the Harlem Globetrotters toying with their opponents (only without the fake water bucket of confetti). Jeremy Lin was so overmatched by the speed and power of the James-Wade-Bosh triumvirate, and the Heat put so much double- and triple-team pressure on him, that he looked, at times, like a high schooler trying to compete against pros. Lin made only 1 of 11 shots (a horrible .091 shooting pct.), had just 3 assists, and turned the ball over 8 times. It was a night to forget. And, at the same time, a night to not be forgotten as it provided an important learning experience.  Now that he is on other team’s scouting reports for the first time, Lin will need to learn to make adjustments to counter their strategies. And that only comes with hard work, dedication, intelligence, and confidence – all traits that he possesses. He is a work in progress who will only continue to get better as he gains more and more experience.

>So…what are some of the adjustments you need to make in order to improve your performance?

[9] Leadership Qualities: We defined a leader earlier as “a person you will follow to a place you wouldn’t go by yourself.” And we just mentioned Jeremy Lin’s traits of “hard work, dedication, intelligence, and confidence.” But what other characteristics does Lin possess that exemplify leadership? While watching a half-hour MSG interview with him from last week, I jotted down the following words as they came to mind (as demonstrated by his words and actions): humble, thankful, appreciative, genuine, authentic, transparent, honest, sincere, generous, proud, polite, respectful, confident, positive, grounded, mature, articulate, smart, driven, dedicated, determined, willpower, vision, emotional, passionate, self-aware, self-deprecating, emotionally intelligent, underdog, sense of humor, fun, funny, kind, socially conscious, empathetic, gratitude, heart, motivated, motivating, inspirational. When asked what he personally thought of this whole “Linsanity” craze, he simply replied that he was lucky to have been given this opportunity and that, “I hope that my story can inspire others to make their own story.” Who wouldn’t want to work with or for, or be led by, someone who demonstrated the above characteristics…?

>So…which of these (or other) leadership qualities do you possess and demonstrate…or would like to develop?

[10] Inspiration: Who isn’t inspired by the fairy tale of Jeremy Lin? Who doesn’t love an underdog-to-superstar story? From bench player to All-Star? From sleeping on a couch one night to starring on center stage the next? Skyrocketing, almost magically, from rags to riches, and from unknown to world famous. Isn’t that why shows like “American Idol” and other reality shows are so popular? We love a hero, live vicariously through others’ dramas, and rejoice in their successes. This fantasy is universal. And why storytelling is so powerful. And when it happens to a talented, likable, humble, and appreciative person like Jeremy Lin – on the big stage – it’s like a Broadway story with a Hollywood ending. So what does it mean to “in-spire?” The word’s origins come from “breathing air or life” into something or someone. And isn’t that, in many ways, what Linsanity has done? I took a walk the other day to the park in my neighborhood. I counted twelve school-age kids playing on the basketball court; eight of them were wearing “Lin #17” Knicks jerseys. I then walked over to the other court were I saw three middle-aged Asian-American guys shooting the ball around. One of them wore a “Linsanity” t-shirt. Even though I hadn’t even touched a basketball in about two years, I felt possessed to walk over and ask if I could take a couple of shots with them. Smiling, they happily welcomed me to join them. I took three shots, missing the first two badly and then, with their encouragement to try again, proudly hit the third. Swish. It would have hit “nothing but net” – if this NYC basketball rim had been lucky enough to still have a net on it.  Thanking them, I decided to quit while I was ahead. Walking home I wondered how many other people in New York City, in the U.S., in the world, have been inspired by Jeremy Lin to pick up a basketball again and, for the first time in years, fantasize about hitting that game-winning shot at the buzzer.

>So…what or who inspires you…and how will you inspire others?

[11] The Power of Luck: Seriously, how lucky is Jeremy Lin? He’s 23 years old, and the toast of the town in the greatest city on earth. He has achieved world fame and superstar status overnight, and has become one of the most valuable, marketable, and well-liked athletes on the planet. All you have to do is walk into any Modell’s Sporting Goods store and you’ll see all the New York Giants “Super Bowl” shirts, and New York Yankees and Mets merchandise pushed aside to make room for all the “Linsanity” products taking up most of the store. No one, including Jeremy Lin, ever could have predicted this. There have been famous and popular athletes before, but I truly don’t know if there’s ever been anything to compare to this phenomenon. Lastly, I say that Lin is “lucky” but I am only kidding around. His “luck” has been 100% earned. His success is a result of proactivity, practice, and persistence. Along with resilience. As the saying goes, “LUCK is what happens when PREPARATION and OPPORTUNITY meet.” And that’s what has happened here to Jeremy Lin, in New York City, in February of 2012.

>So…Can he sustain it? Can he live up to the astronomically high expectations? Only time will tell. But I, along with a lot of other people, will be rooting for him with fingers crossed that he can lead the Knicks to a world championship for the first time since 1973(!)… sometime before we all get committed to a “Linsane Asylum.”

*Note: Right after writing the above piece, I spotted this excellent NYT article, "The Evolution of a Point Guard," that rightfully describes how Lin's "overnight" rise to success is less a result of his having been "overlooked and underestimated" and more about how he has dramatically transformed himself and enhanced his abilities over the past two years through good, old-fashioned "perseverance, hard work, and self-belief." 

*Primary source for background information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Lin