So I’m sitting at my desk typing up a memo, when all of a sudden I hear my boss’s office door swing open behind me. As I turn around to see what’s going on, I instinctively duck to avoid the object flying at my head. A box of pens hits the wall above my desk and breaks open, spraying 12 brand new blue Papermate medium ballpoints in all directions.

My boss had just thrown a box of pens at me.

To find out what happens next, click here (or below).

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So I’m sitting at my desk typing up a memo, when all of a sudden I hear my boss’s office door swing open behind me. As I turn around to see what’s going on, I instinctively duck to avoid the object flying at my head. A box of pens hits the wall above my desk and breaks open, spraying 12 brand new blue Papermate medium ballpoints in all directions.

My boss had just thrown a box of pens at me.

“What the hell?” I exclaimed.

My boss picks up one of the scattered pens from my desk and shoves it in my face.

“What does this say?” she asks.

“Papermate.”

“No, next to that, you idiot.”

“Medium point.”

“And what kind of pen do I use?”

“Fine point.”

“So, if I always use a fine point pen, then why the hell am I standing here holding a medium point?”

“Because the office supplies guy must have sent up the wrong ones…”

“I don’t want to hear any of your excuses. You always have an excuse for everything. Just pick up all of these pens, put them back in the box, and exchange them for the right ones. If you can’t even handle something as simple as ordering a box of pens, maybe you better start looking for another job!”

Office door slams. End of scene. And cut.

No, that was not a scene from a movie. That was a scene from early in my career.

And while it happened a long time ago and I can laugh about it now, the pain and humiliation of working for a horrible boss like that still lingers after all these years.

I was working as an administrative assistant at the time for one of the major TV networks out in Hollywood. I won’t say which one, but it had a “C,” a “B,” and an “S” in its name. And my boss was an absolutely insane lunatic. Condescending, sarcastic, abusive, overly emotional, always in panic mode, and, in some ways worst of all, completely incompetent. Add it all up and that’s a deadly combination.

Getting a box of pens thrown at my head was just the tip of the iceberg when thinking back on the most obnoxious things she did to me. Looking back now at the “Abuse Log” I kept at the time (I’m not kidding, I still have it), it’s unbelievable how much I put up with while working for her. The greatest hits include:

• Referring to me as her “boy,” as in (and I quote), “I’ll have my boy deliver a copy of that script to you.” Bear in mind that I was 29 years old at the time, and 6’4” tall.
• Frisbee-ing a copy of a script at the back of my knees while I was walking out the door of her office, saying, “Hey, throw this out for me,” even though she has a nice, blue paper recycling bin right next to her desk.
• Making me stay til 5pm on a Friday of a three-day holiday weekend when everyone else – by official company memo – was allowed to leave at 1:00pm, with their manager’s approval. As you can guess, she didn’t approve. I had to stay the whole time “in case any important calls came in.” None did. And did I mention that she left at one? She did.

Allow me to go ahead and answer some of the questions you probably have after reading these tales of horror:

Q: Why did you put up with all of this?

A: Because my career dream was to someday work for a TV network and I finally made it in! I didn’t quite expect it to be like that. And always hoped it would get better. It didn’t.

Q: How did you allow yourself to be treated that way for almost a year? Didn’t you have any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-esteem?

A: I did when I first got there. But my boss quickly started chipping away at it one day at a time until there wasn’t much left.

Q: Did you ever just try sitting down and talking with her about it?

A: Yes, I did. I finally got up the courage and calmly went into her office one day and said, “I feel like you are always yelling at me and that whatever I do is wrong. I want to do a good job and I’m happy to do things however you want them done. So if you just take the time to explain things a little more clearly and talk to me a little more calmly, I’ll do a better job and we’ll both be happier.”

Q: That sounded great! So what did she say?

A: She said, “Listen. I spent many years being treated like crap before I got this job. Now it’s your turn. And if you don’t like it, I can call down to HR right now and have them find a replacement for you by tomorrow. Now get back to work.”

Q: She reminds me a little of Kevin Spacey in “Swimming With Sharks.”

A: You mean in the classic “Sweet and Low” scene?

Q: Yeah, but even more in the…

A: “…My Pencils are More Important Than You” scene”!

Q: That’s the one! Was she the only horrible manager you’ve ever had, or were there others?

A: Unfortunately, there were others. Way too many others. There are a lot of them out there. They’re called Bossholes.

Q: That’s a good one. So many people have Bosshole managers. Is there anything you can do if you have a boss like that?

A: You can anonymously leave a copy of this book on their desk and hope they can take a hint. And that they don’t figure out who left it there.

Q: Will that really work?

A: Probably not. Unfortunately, many of the ones who are Bossholes think they’re not. And the others actually enjoy it. I’ve learned the hard way that there is no cure for this condition, except leaving it.

Q: As bad as it was to work for all these awful jerks, were there any benefits?

A: Actually, yes – definitely! Working for some of the worst bosses to ever set foot on this planet taught me more about management and leadership than any business book or MBA ever could. They taught me by showing me how NOT to manage people. And for that I thank them. The key is to take note of everything they did wrong and do the exact opposite!

Q: Lastly, if you were to send a Valentine’s Day card to all of the horrible bosses you’ve had, what would you write?

A: I’d say:

Dear Horrible Boss:

Thank you for teaching me how NOT to manage and lead people. Thank you for showing me how to destroy people’s morale and confidence. Thank you for showing me how to demotivate and un-inspire. Working for awful bosses like you left me with so many great horror stories to tell, and motivated me to go out and learn more about management and leadership, ultimately leading me to discover my true calling as a management consultant, trainer, and executive coach. I knew there had to be a better way, and I found it. Were it not for you, I would not be doing what I do for a living today. And I would not have made my personal mission: “Helping to make the world a better place, one manager at a time.”

So, for that I thank you and wish you a happy Valentine’s Day.

Yours truly,

Todd

EXTRA: Speaking of Valentine’s Day and bad bosses, here’s my short list of non-romantic Valentine’s Day movie suggestions for you to watch in celebration of bad bosses everywhere:

P.S. There’s a lot more where these came from! So tell us: who are some of YOUR favorite bad movie bosses of all-time?

Every year it’s the same thing. We start out the New Year filled with good intentions, high hopes, and a formidable list of life-changing resolutions. And for an indomitable few, those resolutions result in positive changes and personal growth. But for the rest of us, life tends to get in the way.

Before we know it, January is over and February flies by (it’s such a short month!). Then the spring holidays come along. Then it’s summer, and… well, you know the rest. That pledge to “start tomorrow” just leads to the eventual realization that today is yesterday’s tomorrow. So, what can we do about it?

We can start today. For real. Right now.

What we need to do is go from “resolutions” to “real solutions.” And one real-life solution that really works, is easy to do, and can kick-start us into action, is to start reading. And my recommendation is to start your New Year’s reading with any one of the 13 inspirational and motivational books on this list.

My Criteria
There are a million business and self-help books on the shelves, so why these?

Because these are all written for – and about – YOU.

I read an average of 2-3 business books a week on topics ranging from management and leadership to teamwork and innovation. But the books on this list are designed and dedicated to help you become the best “you” you can be. They will help you find your passion, figure out what makes you tick, conquer your fears, and spur you to action. They’ll help you to get focused, become committed, and devise some powerful and innovative ways to help you maximize your Performance, Productivity, and Potential (what I call the “Three Ps”).

Yes, I know you’re busy working. Or looking for work. And you’re exhausted. And it’s so much easier and probably more fun to just settle in on the couch with back-to-back episodes of “Breaking Bad” or “Dexter” on Netflix, or watch the “Gangnam Style” video on YouTube for the bazillionth time. But if you’re really serious about making a change, and taking your career – and your life – to a whole new level this year, think about the potential ROI (Return on Investment) that any one of these $15 books and a few hours of your time could potentially bring.

My List

My 13 for 2013 (in alphabetical order) are:

7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (Stephen R. Covey)
When people ask, “What’s the ONE book I should read to become more effective and productive?” this timeless classic is the one. At the very least, even if you don’t choose to read the whole book cover-to-cover, everyone should at least know what those seven habits are. (Tip: For your convenience, here they are.)

18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done (Peter Bregman)
If time management, prioritization, and personal productivity are a challenge, this new book by my friend, and master storyteller, Peter Bregman, will help you get your life on track and start producing results. (Tip 1: See the Bregman Box on page 118; Tip 2: Watch his TED talks).

Art of Possibility, The: Transforming Professional and Personal Life (Rosamund & Benjamin Zander)
Indescribably brilliant and inspirational storytelling by this husband and wife team. (Tip: Watch his famous TED Talks.)

Element, The: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything (Dr. Ken Robinson)
When who you are and What you do are in alignment and harmony, you are “in your Element.” This book will help you get there. (Tip: This RSA animated video is a true classic.)

How to Win Friends & Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
This, the first-ever “self-help” book, is the one that started it all. Written in 1936, this book has, literally, changed millions of lives worldwide. Now it’s your turn. The title says it all.

Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers)
In many instances, we are our own worst enemy. If you can use a confidence boost, this bestselling book will do the trick.

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (David Allen)
If you are simply looking for a straight-forward, no-frills, systems-based approach to get yourself organized, get yourself moving, and start getting things done, this is the number one book out there on the subject. (Tip: Tons of tools on his GTD website.)

Power of Habit, The: Why We Do What We Do In Life and Business (Charles Duhigg)
Whether trying to break an old habit or start a new one, this book will help you transform yourself into the person you would like to be through gaining a better understanding of how habits work…and what it takes to change them.

Linchpin: Are You Indispensable (Seth Godin)
I absolutely LOVE this book by one of my all-time favorite thought-leaders. In today’s working world, we need to consistently find ways to add value and stand out in a crowd. This brilliant book will inspire you to overcome your “lizard brain” and create your own path to success. (Tip: You MUST subscribe to his daily blog today. I guarantee it will quickly and radically change the way you see the world.)

One Piece of Paper: The Simple Approach to Powerful, Personal Leadership (Mike Figliuolo)
What if you could capture, on a single sheet of paper, your own personal guide to leading yourself, leading the thinking, leading others, and leading a balanced life? This creative and interactive book will help you do just that! (Tip: Subscribe to his excellent Thought Leaders blog. Full/proud disclosure: My “leadership self-awareness” guest post made their 2012 top 10 list!)

ReWork (Jason Fried & David Heinemeier Hansson)
Like Godin’s “Linchpin,” this book cuts through the crap and tells it like it is. Written with humor, attitude, and artistry, these guys really tell it like it is and get you to look at the working world in fresh new ways.

Self-Promotion for Introverts: The Quiet Guide to Getting Ahead (Nancy Ancowitz)
With introverts making up half the population (including myself), this practical and inspirational guidebook by a friend and fellow NYU professor helps and encourages introverts to leverage their strengths and achieve success.

You Don’t Need a Title to Be a Leader: How Anyone, Anywhere, Can Make a Positive Difference (Mark Sanborn)
This quick-and-easy-to-read, 100-page book will encourage and inspire you to step up to leadership – regardless of your role, position, or title. I love this powerful little book and re-read it all the time.

There are a lot of other great resources out there, but this list of personal favorites will give you a running start. So just pick ONE and dive right in. Maybe you even have some of these books already piled up on your nightstand gathering dust, or sitting on your bookshelf like a trophy. But BUYING the book with the best of intentions – as so many people do – is not enough. You need to actually READ it. And don’t just skim through it: DEVOUR it! Interact with it. Absorb it. Make it your own. Here are a just a few ways how:

• ·         Highlight things you find interesting with a neon highlighter
• ·         Underline things you find interesting with a red pen
• ·         Make notes in the margins when you’re reminded of something
• ·         Use post-it notes to mark the pages you want to go back to later

Find a blank page in the front or back and write down a list of Action Items – things you are actually going to DO! As I have people do at the end of every one of my workshops, think in terms of “Insights, Actions, & Outcomes”: What did you take away (Insights); What are you going to do (Actions); and what results do you expect to achieve (Outcomes), if you actually make the commitment and follow through.

It’s a new year. A great time to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. So if you’re really serious — I mean REALLY serious — about turning your New Year’s “resolutions” into “real solutions,” I hope that you will pick up just one of these books, and let it be the spark that ignites your passion, and helps you to light the world on fire in 2013.

Proud to announce that my post was named by the "thoughtLEADERS" website as the "Best Top 10 List" of 2012!

Best Top 10 List: 10 Tough Questions Every Self-Aware Leader Needs to Answer

Todd Cherches shares 10 questions leaders must ask themselves. It’s a two-part post (the first 5 questions are here and the next 5 are here).

How many do you know the answers to?

“People do best, what they like best to do.”

That’s an old adage by Frederick W. Taylor, the original management guru. Seems like common sense, doesn’t it? And yet, so many people hate their jobs.

So why is that?

Well, think about your hobbies. You know, the things you do for fun. Whatever it is, whether it’s playing a sport, a musical instrument, practicing a craft, or whatever, you probably do it for at least one of the following two reasons: you’re good at it and/or you enjoy it. Otherwise, why do it?

If you love doing something, let’s say, playing the guitar – even if you’re not very good at it – you’re going to pick it up and fiddle around with it, spending your spare time practicing, and watching and listening to others play, all in the hope of getting better. Even if you’re not that great and know you’re probably never going to play in a band, you still do it because it’s fun.

Similarly, if you’re good at something, even if it’s balancing your checkbook, you may not love doing it, but because you’re skilled in math and it comes quick-and-easy to you, you don’t really mind doing it.

So, what about something that you love doing AND you’re good at it? Now you’ve hit the magic bulls eye: your passions and your skills are in alignment! Let’s say you love playing tennis and you discovered years ago that you’re pretty good at it. Most likely, with this combination of passion and skill, you enjoyed watching tennis on TV to see how the pros do it, didn’t mind hitting a tennis ball against the wall thousands of times, and got a rush from playing every chance you got.

Over time, your skills grew. And as your skills grew, so did your confidence, which led to your taking on tougher challenges, practicing more, winning against better and better opponents, having fun competing and winning, and enjoying your increased success. No, you’re probably not going to play in the U.S. Open, but you’re at a level that you are proud of and enjoy as you keep working on taking your game to the next level.

Now, what about when you are stuck doing something that you are not good at, and do not like doing? How successful do you think you are going to be?

Probably not very.

And, yet, this describes a lot of people’s jobs. So how does this happen?

Here’s how it happened to me: A number of years ago, I was out of work for a while when I was offered an amazing job as the VP of Business Development and head of the New York office for a leading west coast interactive agency. I was so honored by being hired and excited about working for this innovative company to help them grow their east coast business.

But once the initial excitement wore off, the job itself ended up being much tougher for me than I ever expected as I started just around the time of the dot-com crash when finding new business instantly became tougher and tougher. And, unfortunately, I quickly discovered the hard way that I did not possess the abilities or the personality type required to succeed in this kind of role – especially in this type of market environment.

And, so, as time went on and as I continued to fail, my stress level rose, and I began to like this job less and less, until I could not even bear to get up for work in the morning.

If you’ve ever had a job that you didn’t like AND that you were not good at, you know what I’m talking about. I was set up to fail every day, through nobody’s fault but my own, and I just wanted out. Getting laid off, despite my feeling of loss as I loved the company and the people, actually ended up being a huge relief.

In almost every job, there are going to be aspects of your position that you like more than others, and that you’re better at than others. And, similarly, there are going to be things you are good (or even great at), and things that you are not.

For example, in my current role as head of a management and leadership consulting, training, and coaching firm, I love and feel that I’m pretty good at the consulting, training, and coaching part. What I don’t love, and am not that great at, is the actual running of the business itself (especially, the financial and administrative side).

So, what to do about it?

Taking a look at the Passion/Skill Matrix and thinking about YOUR job:

1. Make a list of all the different things you do on a regular basis; and then

2. Place each of these different things in one of the four boxes.

The things that you Like/Love and are Good At: If you have a lot in that box, you’re incredibly lucky! Try to spend as much time as possible on these things. This is where the intersection of your skills and passions lie, and where you have the greatest potential to leverage your strengths and go from good to great.

The things that you Like or Love to do, but are NOT great at: This is a wonderful developmental opportunity! If you like something, or feel you have potential in this area, you are more likely to work at it by learning more about it, studying, practicing, and seeking out training and coaching. Einstein once said that, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” If you’re passionate about it, keep working at it. You never know how far you might get unless you try.

The things that you Don’t Like to do, but are Good At: Perhaps it’s something you used to like doing, or you just became the “go to” person by default because it comes naturally to you and everyone knows it. Well, this is a great developmental opportunity – for someone else! Here’s where you might be able to take on the role of a mentor or coach by helping someone else develop skills in this area. This is a win-win opportunity that will help someone else to grow while freeing you up to do other things.

And, lastly, the things that you Don’t Like (or Hate!) to do, AND are Not Good At: This is your “Failure Zone”…and you need to do whatever it takes to get out of this box as soon as you can. Again, we all have aspects of our jobs that we may not love, but if you are spending more than 25% of your time in this box, you are setting yourself up for a whole lot of pain and suffering. And, to be honest, if you’re in a job that you really, truly don’t like and that you are really, truly not good at, you’re not doing your employer any favors by staying in this role. Sometimes we stay just for the paycheck, but it’s really hard to sustain that over the long haul. And it’s ultimately going to take its toll on your physical and mental health.

As Dan Pink writes in his book Drive and as he speaks about in this amazing RSAnimate video, people are happiest and most productive when they have three key, intangible things: Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose.

If you are lucky enough to find a job where you spend most of your time with the freedom and flexibility to make your job your own (autonomy); in an environment that allows you to grow and develop into the best you can be (mastery); while doing work that matters (purpose), that’s when you’ve got it made.

As they say, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

 Check out my post to see how "Black Sock Decision-Making" can improve YOUR life!